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May 2012

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inkthesky in inkingthesky


This story was actually inspired by a typo. It's extremely silly, and it's about dinosaurs. Rapping dinosaurs.

I, the Laurapleurodon, wish to tell you a story. A story of those who roamed the earth before your kind's time. Yes, the dinosaurs. Now, dinosaurs weren't just big dumb lizards like everyone seems to think. Not all of them, anyway. Where do you think the pyramids came from? In fact, this tale is about two of the most brilliant minds ever. Threesaurus and Philosoraptor. The Philosoraptor and Threesaurus weren't the most liked by their fellow scaled peers. In fact, the Braunosaurus kicked sand in their eyes on many occasions.
"That Braunosaurus is such a brute. An imbecile. A rascal. A jerk!" Threesaurus would complain to Philosoraptor.
"Perhaps it is because he is insecure about his freakishly long neck, in comparison to the tiny size of his tail. Yes, mayhaps he secretly feels inferior, and thus tries to make everyone else feel inferior to him." Philosraptor would reply.
You see, the other dinosaurs simply thought they were stuck up because they were so smart. In actuality, they were two pretty cool, down-to-earth dudes. They just happened to have large vocabularies and enjoyed discussing a wide range of topics, such as: 'Which came first, the egg or the dinosaur?', 'Do you suppose our great ancestors were all fish?' and 'If a volcano erupts, and nobody is around to hear it, does it still make an explosion noise?'.
One day Philosoraptor was asking "Why does lava turn to solid when it cools, and ice becomes liquid when it warms?".
Threesaurus suggested "Why don't we analyze it? You know, like examine, experiment."
Just then Addasaurus popped out from behind a boulder. "Well, if my calculations are correct-"
But he didn't get a chance to finish before the Agilosaurus threw a balled up piece of paper in their direction, and it landed in the Addasaurus's open mouth.
"What's that that you're mumbling? Grumbling? I can't make out your verbal stumbling." the Threesaurus told him, just before Addasaurus spit out the paper. The Philosraptor picked it up to examine it, and discovered that it was indeed a flyer. For Electrosauraus's rap-a-thon.
Addasaurus exclaimed "Wowie! You guys, we should totally put together a crew and sign up and spit some madgab at the cave-hizzle!".
Threesaurus, and Philosoraptor looked at each other, too completely distracted by the thought of winning a rap-battle, to notice Chunkingosaurus waddling up behind Addasaurus, swallowing him with one bite, and acting completely normal, Chunkingosaurus waved his short flabby arms at the pair.
"Hey, Guys! You wouldn't happen to have any snacks would you? I'm starving!"
"No we don't, Sir, We have no burritos, cheetos, fritos, or doritos!" Screamed the Threesarus.
"Hmm, how can he injest so much, and still have hunger, perhaps he has some sort of abyss lodged in his throat that transports the food to some other dimension, or reality mirroring this one?" thought Philosoraptor. "I say my portly fellow, Would you by chance know anything about that rap-a-thon Electrosaurus is throwing?"
"Of course, everyone knows about that! Afrovenator's making an apperiance, and get this: FREE. FOOD. How choice is that?" weezed the Chunkingosaurus.
As Chunkingosaurus walked away, he tripped on a pebble and fell rolly-polly style down a hill, incidentally running over Gripersaurus's tail.
"Watch where you're going, you Butterscotch!" griped the Gripersaurus. "I just had my tail polish and now it's all scuffed up, I'll have to re-do it before the rap-a-thon. Not to mention, it hurts!"
"I say, Threesaurus, all that talk of doritos and cheetos made me hungry. Wanna head to the DinoStaur for some burritos?"
"I am quite hungry. Famished. Depleted. On empty. In need of nourishment. To the DinoStaur!"
And off they went, trying to cook up ideas and topics to rap about. As they stood in the DinoStaur enjoying their food, The Threesaurus started to get ideas.
"I can come up, think of, imagine, create the lyrics. I'm used to words and rhyme. You're used to talking, communicating, divulging, in long winded phrases, so you've definitely got the Flow!"
"Absolutely! I am a RAPtor after all, it's in my blood, one might say. Together, we'll win the competition! And I think I've got just the subject to write about..."
Excitement pushing their steps, they ran to Philosoraptors house, trying to be quiet and not disturb his father Platosaurus. Instead they found themselves in the company of his small brother the Macroraptor. As soon as they walked through the cave opening, scarfing down the last of their Bed-Rock Burritos, Macroraptor dropped down from the ceiling to say "I CAN HAS CHEESEBURGER NOW?".
Philosoraptor rolled his eyes and told his younger brother "Don't you have some smoke signals to send out or something?"
The Macroraptor let out an annoying giggle before yelling "The Game! You has just lost it!" and running off.
Philosoraptor shook his head and led Threesaurus down the tunnelway to his chamber.
"That brother of yours is so bothersome. Really, he can be quite irritating. Agrravating. How do you deal with his annoyances? So frustrating." Threesaurus wondered.
"Tell me about it. I have often pondered if my parents dropped his egg head-side down on more than one occasion."
And so for the remainder of the day and well into the night, they scratched away at a slate of stone, trying to come up with the perfect flows. At first it proved to be harder than they had forseen, but sooner or later it came easy, know what I mean? And once they had it, the perfect rhymes, they fell asleep with it fresh in their minds. Unfortunately, trying to come up with an awesome rap song is really hard work, and the duo slept through the pterodactyls screeching when the sun came up. The morning came too soon and too late did they wake, missing out on the delicious pancakes that Platosaurus baked. They awoke, jumped up in a hurry, Threesaurus yelled "Oh, no! We better make haste. Quickly, let's rush! No time for breakfast, if we're not out the door immediately we will miss our bus!". As it turned out, that's exactly as it went. No breakfast, no bus, little sleep and with quite the time crunch, they needed to hurry to make the registration deadline for the rap-a-thon. Threesaurus shed a tear and began to whimper "Now we will never make it there in time to show 'em what we got. What a shame, our rhymes are so sick, with fever they would run hot." but Philosoraptor would have none of that negativity. He said "No worries, my comrade, we will make it in time. Time's relative anyway, it's all in your mind. And if that's what you believe, then that's how it will be. So cheer up, keep moving, come on, follow me!".
As if on cue, The Scooteloosaurus rolled up on his scooter. "Sup guys?! You headed to the rap-a-thon? You can hitch a ride with me, hop on!" he shouted. Philosoraptor beamed, Threesaurus no longer pouted, thanks to Scooteloosaurus his attitude had been re-routed. With a jump and a push, off they went, making it just in time to sign up for the event. At the registration booth, they ran into The Stokedosaurus, who was loudly proclaiming how stoked he was, because he just knew he was going to win. Stokedosaurus briefly took a break from tooting his own horn to address Threesaurus and Philosoraptor. "You two are gonna rap? This ought-ta be good. We'll laugh your green tails right out of this hood." Philosoraptor scoffed and proudly stated "Psh, your rhymes are weak and your wardrobe is outdated. You best just sit back and brace yourself, you're about to be obliviated!". Stokedosaurus was stunned, he didn't know they had it in them. It was as unexpected as if the Alamosaurus had come through the ceiling with a turntable and threw down some beats. For those who know Alamosaurus, you'd know how unlikely that would be, as he was more the type to boogey to Achey-Breaky Heart and all things country. They left the stunned Stokedosaurus in the spot where he stood, and went to check out their competition as they waited for the battle to begin. As they passed the snack table, where Chunkingosaurus was all but inhaling even the table, they shook their heads as they realized Gripersaurus was still badgering him. "You scratched my scales, you know! You rolled over my tail in broad daylight, and you scratched them. AND YOU'RE EATING ALL THE FOOD! This is the worst rap-a-thon ever. AND it's too hot in here! Where are the beverages, or did you guzzle those all down too?!".
They saw Afrovenator, who was well known around there, as the toughest competition for others to beware. Ultrasaurus as well, made himself a name on the street. He had nasty lyrics, and a Jurassic beat. Stokedosaurus who was full of himself, and because of it not respected. Electrosaurus was supposed to be hosting, but called in sick. Thankfully Technosaurus was able to come and fill in quick. Everyone who was anyone was found to be there, as the building filled up. The lights went low, and it was finally time for everyone to hit the stage. Threesaurus, and Philosoraptor would be the last ones to go. It was fated for them to end the show. They could hear the crowd rawr when Afrovenator went offstage, and laughed when Stokedosaura went off in a rage. Ultrasaurus came to win, he brought down the house, so when it was their turn it was quiet as a mouse. Philosoraptor walked up to the mic ready to be strong. Threesaurus was nervous till Technosaurus played their song.

"Yo, I'm The Threesaurus, I don't know what you heard
I'm a pretty chill dude that knows a lot of words
People think I'm stuck up just because I'm smart
I have a large vocabulary but it's not as big as my heart
If you automatically assume that I think I'm better than you
Take a trip to the DinoStaur and buy yourself a clue
You need a hint, better analyze the evidence
I've never thrown things at anyone or made someone eat sand
I'm easy going, roll with the punches, flexible like a rubber band, ya understand?
If you'd take the time to get to know me, like Chunkingosaurus between bites of pepperoni
You'd know what I'm saying's not bologna
So to back me up, here's Philosoraptor, My Homie!

"I'm The Philosoraptor and welcome to my chapter
I observe the world, so it's beauty I can capture
You all look at me like I'm nothing to see
It's not hard to understand, you don't need a degree
Please have an open mind, please have an open heart
It's not to late for us to restart
We're all the same, no one's better than another
I look at you all as a sister or a brother
Understand where you come from, and how unalike we are
Embrace the differences so we can learn and go far
Everything will end, so I'll stop this right here
In hopes it will cease your inability to endear

Their lungs left with no air, their words flowed with care. The crowed went mad, they were crazed with delight. They'd never expected that from the two of them on that night. Everyone there had found understanding for the pair. Too bad they were all being too loud, for the ruckus woke up Nanatyranus, and Pawpawsaurus. Nanatyranus called the authorities to make a complaint. In no time at all the rap-a-thon was overrun by Tricera-Cops to break up the bash. No winner was announced, but Threesaurus, and Philosoraptor knew that they had won, they had no fears. Not by winning the competition, but the respect of their peers.